TGWP: Secret Santa
by Peacewish
Summary: A short and sugary spinoff from These Games We Play. Jazz misses Christmas, and Rumble and Frenzy are bored. Cue one not-so-peaceful holiday for Soundwave.


_It's that time of year again, and my boyfriend and I love to watch all the classic Christmas specials, from Mickey Mouse to Charlie Brown to the Muppets. So naturally, my brain starts turning in ways to get a Christmas special out of my own story. Yup, I managed it, even for a dystopian post-war dictatorship story taking place on a planet that doesn't even have Christians, let alone the Charlie Brown special. I didn't say that it made sense, just that I wanted to do it._

_This actually got written last year and was posted for the Livejournal readers, just in the nick of time for Christmas, but was set at a certain point in the plot that would have dropped spoilers for the fanfiction net readers. So I didn't post it. But it's still cute and I still like it, so now it's going up for Christmas '12. When you read, remember that this is taking place shortly after Shockwave tried to reassign Soundwave under his own jurisdiction, and was consequently humiliated in public when Soundwave flashed them all a video of Blitzwing napping at his desk. And if you were wondering just when it was that the twins learned the name of Jazz's home city, you're about to find out._

_Warnings: major cheese factor, a heavy dose of contrived coincidences, and Rumble and Frenzy being adorable enough to make your teeth fall out. Lots and lots of the author's self-gratification, and no apologies for that whatsoever._

_Merry Christmas, my wonderful readers! I love you all, and will see you in 2013._

**Secret Santa**

Frenzy didn't get many constants in his life. When you worked as a hacker and spy for a warlord bent on conquering Cybertron, and then, as it turned out, the planet that could keep Cybertron going, life kinda turned itself upside down on you frequently and without warning. Mecha that you knew sometimes died, homes that you had vanished, and the next day could see you waking up in a cramped cabin on a leaky spaceship at the bottom of some ocean. A mech needed some things to not change, and so Frenzy grabbed on to and clung to what constants he could get. He had his splitspark twin Rumble, and he had Soundwave, and he had the rest of his family. And he had Jazz, the newest constant, or at least he did when he could get to him first. Rumble tried to throw a pede in front of him and trip him, but Frenzy saw that coming and dive-rolled neatly over it - okay, he hit his head on the floor and Jazz said that wasn't the right way to do it, but he'd keep practicing and the point was he was back on his pedes already - and hit the ground running. Now a step behind, Rumble threw himself on top of Frenzy and they both crashed to the floor. He was trying to smash his face against the floor, dirty fragger, but Frenzy thrust his elbow back and got Rumble squarely in the jaw. Rumble yelped with pain and Frenzy scrambled back into a run again.

"Ha, I get to go first!" he shouted joyfully. Victorious, systems wheezing from exertion, Frenzy threw himself on Jazz's legs and clung hard so Rumble couldn't tear him off. As for Jazz, he lowered his datapad and looked rather dryly over its edge to the cassetticon now attached to his ankles.

"An' a good evenin' to you, too. Don't you two ever get tired of doin' that?"

"Doing what? Now launch me!"

"No fair, you cheated," Rumble pouted, and made do with draping himself over much of Jazz's torso.

"You're just a loser. Jazz!"

"Jazz, _pleeease,_" Jazz suggested, in that lazy drawl of his.

"Ugh, fine, whatever. 'Jazz, please'."

"That's more like it." Jazz tossed the datapad aside and lay flat back against the floor, swinging up his legs to point at the ceiling. Frenzy giggled at the exhilaration, but the fun hadn't really started yet. Once he was aloft, balancing on Jazz's pedes, Jazz bent his knees and pushed up hard. Frenzy was thrown into the air, which was a completely different sensation than pushing yourself up on your own thrusters, and he squealed with delight. Somehow, and Frenzy still couldn't figure out how he did it, Jazz caught him quite easily on his pedes and then thrust upwards again, this time managing to launch Frenzy into a full 180-degree flip.

"Hurry up, it's my turn next!"

"Shut up, Rumble."

"And how was work today, boys? Did I miss anything interesting?"

"Not really. Starscream was an aft. Shockwave was a prissier aft. That's about it."

It was constant, this part of the day, and Frenzy relished it. Even if the boss was coming down to Headquarters more often than not, these days, he still made a habit of returning home early enough to take Jazz on their daily walk. Then he'd retreat into his home office to take care of a few more things, while Jazz amused himself with games and puzzles. Provided they got home early enough, this was their one chance to get Jazz to themselves before Soundwave came back out and hogged Jazz for something stupid like hax. He teased them, but he never said no to their demands for entertainment. Frenzy squealed again when Jazz tossed him up into another flip.

"Ick, Jazz, what are you playing on our sound system?" Rumble whined, still sulky about having to wait. Frenzy had been too caught up in the race to notice when they first burst into the loft, but now that he was paying attention, he could hear the speakers softly playing some human song.

"It's Tchaikovsky's _Nutcracker_. Gorgeous, ain't it?" Jazz dimmed his visor and waved a finger in time to the music, humming along with some puny-sounding bells and chimes.

"When we said you could use our console to play music, we meant _good_music. This is slow and boring."

"Oh, my tiny children of no patience, you truly do lack taste for the finer things in life. Ah well, perhaps something Transiberian would better suit your tastes?" He tapped the remote, and the silly boring music switched to a cacophony of electric guitars.

"Yeah, that's more like it!"

"It's the same music, little one."

"No it's not."

"I assure you it is," Jazz said easily, now balancing Frenzy on just one pede. "Just a different arrangement and a few more instruments thrown in for fun. Underneath, it's still the same tune. It's a Christmas classic."

"Christmas?" they repeated blankly.

"Don't you two give me that look, I know that you know what Christmas is. You were on Earth for at least thirty of 'em."

"It's not like we don't know what Christmas is," Rumble said defensively.

"Yeah," Frenzy added, who was starting to get a little dizzy now. "We know Christmas. That's the human holiday for releasing all the new games and videos."

"There's a little more to it than that," Jazz said wryly.

"Whatever, who cares now?"

"I do, because it's Christmas tomorrow and I intend to enjoy the music, from _Messiah_ to _Nutcracker_ to _O Holy Night_on a six-string Washburn special. It's the one Christmas tradition I can keep and I intend to, philistine master notwithstanding."

"Christmas tomorrow? How do you know?"

"I'm keeping track. Earth's rotations are still programmed into my chrono."

"Why?"

"Why not?" Jazz answered simply. "Doesn't take much room. And I like knowing when Christmas is. On Earth, I was always in charge of organizing the Christmas party and the Secret Santa."

"Santa's not a secret."

"Yeah, we see him all the time in movies."

"Took us a while to figure out he wasn't real."

"Yeah, he's like one of their superheroes, but Batman's way cooler."

"Uh… think of it more like everyone in the party has to do the _job_of Santa. They give each other presents."

"Still don't see where the secret part comes in."

"Because," Jazz said patiently, "the one you give the gift to doesn't know it's you. It's a mystery. So, Secret Santa."

"That's stupid," Rumble declared. "It's lame enough to give anything to others in the first place. But at least if you do, they know they owe you a favor. If you keep it a secret, how are you supposed to cash in later?"

"Not really the point of Secret Santa."

"Then what is the point?"

"It's fun. Nothin' more, nothin' less."

"It doesn't sound fun."

"Only because you haven't done it. And, last time!" Jazz pushed up extra hard and Frenzy soared through the air, flipping over two and half times before he nearly crashed head-first into the floor. Jazz tipped forward and managed to catch him just in time. "Landing still needs work, Little Red."

"V'almost got it," Frenzy mumbled. Then when Jazz stood him back on the floor, he promptly fell over backwards. The ceiling was spinning like crazy. Rumble, for no other reason than he happened to be standing near enough, kicked him.

"So, if tomorrow's Christmas, then that means we should be getting presents right? We should tell Boss that."

"Yeah, good idea," Frenzy chimed in. "What do you want for Christmas, Jazz? We'll tell Soundwave for you."

For the first time since their violent entry into the loft, Jazz's easy grin faded. "Ah, I don't think so, boys. That's not a good idea."

"Why? Soundwave would get you anything you want."

"No he wouldn't." Jazz leaned back and offered one pede to Rumble, waggling an ankle joint invitingly. "I believe it's your turn, Little Blue?"

"Finally!" Joyfully Rumble jumped on, and Frenzy shuttered his optics to avoid watching the ceiling whirl above him. He had to admit, the Christmas music, transwhatever something, was actually pretty cool.

* * *

"Hey boss," Frenzy spoke up, after they'd finished uploading their surveillance that evening. "Did you know? Tomorrow's Christmas!"

Soundwave's reaction to this announcement was his usual when confronted with something not of his orderly, logical world. He paused for the length of a long, slow ventilation, processor briefly rerouting to scan his archives for the definition of 'Christmas'. That accomplished, he turned a rather flat gaze onto the twins. Side by side, legs dangling over the edge of his console, they fixed him with bright and hopeful smiles.

"Relevance?"

"The fact that it's tomorrow isn't relevance enough? Don't you think we should celebrate?"

"Christmas, human holiday. Source, their theology. Celebration on Cybertron, senseless."

"It's not senseless, it'd be fun! _Jazz _wants to." Soundwave had begun to sort through their data, but at that his hands paused again over the console. Encouraged, Frenzy continued. "He's out there in the common room listening to all that Christmas music."

"Music, on his system?"

"No," Frenzy replied, wondering about that tiny surge of hope he'd just glimpsed. "Just on our console. We said he could."

"Anyway, it's obvious he really wants to, and he probably won't ask you outright. So we should just go ahead and celebrate it. Humans do it by giving each other stuff."

"Like games."

"Or awesome weapons."

"You can give us either. Or both."

"And you can give something really nice to Jazz. Think how _appreciative _he would be."

Rumble loaded the word with innuendo, hoping to entice Soundwave into saying yes, but both of them were taken aback by the sadness that washed through Soundwave's spark. It cut off abruptly, meaning Soundwave had sealed off his side of the link to keep it private.

"Unable to give what Jazz wants," Soundwave said shortly. "Your suggestion, impossible. Dismissed."

"But – "

"Dismissed, now."

"Awww." Disappointed, and more than a little confused, the twins jumped down and shuffled out of the office. Jazz was still where they'd left him, visor shuttered, humming along to more of that wimpy music. Primus, how much of it was there?

_"What do you think -"_ Rumble asked, and Frenzy could only shrug.

* * *

"Hey. Hey, Frenz, wake up."

"Mngh?"

"Wake up!"

"Ow! Stop poking me, slaggit."

"Are you awake?"

"Frag you, what do you think?"

"Good. I think we should celebrate Christmas tomorrow."

"Boss said no."

"Boss said he won't give us presents. But he didn't say _we _couldn't do anything, right?"

"Like what?"

"We could do that thing Jazz talked about. The Secret Santa."

"Thought you said it was stupid."

"Well, Jazz said it's fun and I'm bored enough to try it. If it's lame we won't do it again."

"Mgn… howzit work again?"

"You give a present, but keep it a mystery. Uh, kinda like a reverse prank I think."

"What do we give?"

"I dunno yet. What do you think it is that Jazz wants most?"

"How should I know? -parently it's some big secret around here."

"Huh. Maybe that's part of Secret Santa too. Guess we have to figure it out on our own. So, start thinking."

"Rumble, it's the _middle of the night."_

"Well it's not like we've got a lot of time."

"We'll wake up early and think of something. Now let me sleep. Isn't there a human story that says if you don't recharge the night before Christmas, three ghosts will come and kill you?"

"I'm not sure that's how it went."

"Close enough. Good night."

* * *

"_Music," _was Laserbeak's first suggestion, the next morning at headquarters.

"But Jazz once told me that he's already archived 90% of all music that ever existed on both Earth and Cybertron," Rumble pointed out. "He said the rest was 'hanson and garbage'. I don't know what that means, but I think it'd be pretty hard to get him something he doesn't already have."

_"Puzzle game."_

"Soundwave buys those for him practically every other day. Bot is freaky smart; he flies through 'em."

"Hmm…" Thoughtfully Frenzy kicked the back of his pede against the wall. "What else does Jazz like besides dancing, playing with us, and flirting like crazy with the boss? Buzzsaw? Ideas?"

_"Don't care."_

"You are so –"

"Out of my way, brats." Starscream strode right through their impromptu gathering, forcing everyone to dive for safety. "If you're going to stand around and gossip, do it somewhere else and not my hallway."

"It's not your hallway," Frenzy argued, but refrained from tacking a nasty slur on the end. Things between Starscream and Soundwave had been quiet, since the day Soundwave trounced Shockwave in the command room, and none of the cassettes wanted to be the ones to rile them up again. Yet, anyway. He waited until Perceptor, scurrying along in Starscream's wake, had passed before picking himself up again.

"Excuse me sir… sorry, sir."

"Keep up, slave!"

"Yes, master."

"Today I want you to run yesterday's results against the new temperature variable, testing for coefficient .043. Do try to take a little less time than you did yesterday, I'd hate to have to explain to Lord Megatron that any delayed results are due to _your _incompetence."

Perceptor cringed mid-step. "Yes, master."

"Anyway," Frenzy tried again, when Starscream had moved far enough away that his screeching didn't overpower normal conversation, "we need more ideas. According to Aggrenet, Earth rotates at 17.54 tonight and then it won't be Christmas anym-"

"Dude," Rumble interrupted, staring after Starscream and his slave with a peculiar look in his optics. "I think I got it."

* * *

Mixmaster set the tray, lined with rows of hollows curved into the steel, on his worktable. In each hollow nestled a perfect sphere of sparkling temptation that made Frenzy's mouth oil up with anticipation.

"They're 2.3 pounds each. Pure high-grade that's been distilled six times over, crystallized while it's still bubbly, the fragments of which are then rolled into my secret blend of Earth minerals. Heat melts the energon and fuses the minerals around it, creating a crispy sweet texture that breaks to let out the supernova inside. I call them my Haley's Comet, since once a vorn is about how often a bot could afford one. Never, since I invented it thirty years ago, has anyone outside my gestalt been able to get more than one out of me. Here's the dozen you ordered."

He looked at the four of them, all small enough to sit directly on his worktable and still leave room for bowls and barrels of materials, over with some skepticism. "You do realize that your fuel tanks would burst if you tried to eat even one of these?"

"Not really an issue today, Mixmaster."

"Soundwave throwing a party or something?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Riiiight," he drawled skeptically. "Anyway, they're ready to go. That'll be a thousand credits, even."

"Say what? That's robbery!"

"You said you wanted my best, that's the best. Throw in the rush job and it adds up. Don't think you can take it or leave it, either, because mixing these up took all my stock of high-grade. They're all yours."

Frenzy exchanged a glance with Rumble, who shrugged and nodded. "Fine. Box 'em up. Buzzsaw, you get to carry them."

Wing platelets ruffled. _"Why me?"_

"Because it's either that or you fly recon, and you do that too slow. We're on a schedule."

_"Unsure why participating."_

"Because you looove us and you like Jazz, even if you won't admit it. Now stop bitching and start hauling."

_"Don't care,"_ Buzzsaw reminded them all, but he closed his claws over the handle of Mixmaster's box and took flight.

* * *

Since they already knew where he'd be, the twins hit up Perceptor first while Laserbeak went scouting. He was in Starscream's laboratories - the main door to which was locked, but none of Starscream's locks had ever managed to keep Frenzy out – pouring some glowing stuff out of one beaker and into another. Occasionally he paused to jot something into a datapad. Something about him was different, but it took Frenzy a few nanokliks to figure out what: he was smiling. Not much, just a touch of one curving at his lip plating, but the bot's expression was relaxed and contented as he fussed over his stupid science scrap. So absorbed in his task was he, in fact, that he didn't even notice their presence until all three cassettes landed with a _whump _on the counter.

"Oh!" Perceptor jumped straight up into the air and almost dropped a vial of something dangerous-looking. Frantically he fumbled for it and clutched it to his chest. "Oh my, you startled me! Is there something you need, sirs? Do you want me to get Starscream for you?"

"Frag no. Do we look like we want to ruin our day?" With a grunt Rumble hefted the first Haley's Comet out of the box. "Oof. There you go; enjoy." He half-dropped it to the counter and it rolled a little ways toward Perceptor, who stared at the energon treat like it was a human with two heads.

"I beg your pardon?"

"What, I gotta graph it out? Thought you were the smart one… it's a present. You eat it. Good Christmas, ya know?"

"I think in the movies it was always 'Merry Christmas'," Frenzy pointed out.

"Whatever. So go on, eat up. We're up against a deadline."

The so-called genius was still having a hard time catching up. "This… is a Christmas present. You… know that it's Christmas. You're giving me a present?"

"We're giving you this. The present is to someone else. Now, do you want to yak about it some more and wait to see if Starscream wanders in, or do you just wanna eat?"

Finally they'd come up with something that galvanized the bot into action. Though he still looked plenty baffled, Perceptor picked up Mixmaster's creation between finger and thumb and popped it delicately into his mouth. Promptly his optics flashed from white to deep blue to white again.

"Oh Primus. That was…"

"Good, right? About time; we're out of here." All of them launched into the air at the same moment, and Perceptor had to snatch something out of the range of Frenzy's thrusters. Though he still looked desperately confused, Frenzy was pretty sure he was smiling again.

* * *

"Hey Structies. What's up?"

Laserbeak had tracked the majority of the Constructicon crew to a new site on the fringes of developed Iacon; today it consisted of Scrapper, Bonecrusher, and Scavenger, plus their slaves. The former looked up at Rumble's address, not bothering to hide a scowl.

"If it isn't Pipsqueak #1. Did you need something?"

"Nah, I'm just out for a stroll. You know, killing free time. I hear you guys don't get much of that."

"Go away."

"Nice job on the new building," Rumble answered breezily, ignoring the dark looks. "Just finished the framework, am I right? Hey, I just thought of a way I can help you on my free time; I'll test-drive it using my piledrivers. That way you'll know for sure it's done right. Here I go!"

Rumble dashed off with a wicked cackle, and all three Constructicons shot after him bellowing murder. That left the way clear for Frenzy and Buzzsaw to emerge from the shadows and approach the slaves, all of whom were staring in astonishment.

"... Frenzy?" Hoist said tentatively, as if he weren't quite sure of the right name. Brawn snorted under his ventilations.

"I think you mean Pipsqueak #2."

"Hey, watch it! I'm here doing you bots a favor. Heads up." One after another he tossed a treat to each of the four slaves - Hoist, Grapple, Brawn, and Windcharger - who caught them more out of baffled reflex than any kind of comprehension. Grapple stared at his.

"Isn't this Mixmaster's –"

"It's not like we stole it!" Frenzy yelped defensively, out of vorns-long habit. "We paid for it, you can ask. No wait, don't ask – it's supposed to be a secret."

"What?"

"Nothing. I do believe I hear the pitter-patter of my brother's footsteps returning, so unless you want your bosses to take those away, I'd advise you eat up." He kicked on his thrusters and Buzzsaw, whose load was now much lightened (not that you'd know it from the way his end of the link still throbbed with crankiness) took off. Rumble, of course, never had any chance of getting caught by those stupid clodhoppers. Whooping with glee, he scurried up a girder and leaped off, just in time for Frenzy to swoop past and grab his hand. A second later, Rumble's own thrusters roared to life and the three of them took off into the darkness.

* * *

"Hey, Blitz," Frenzy greeted merrily. "Had any nice naps lately?"

Blitzwing's all-too-considerable fist clenched around the datapad he was holding and he shot the most furious glower Frenzy'd ever seen on him their way.

"Get out. I do not want to see you two in here, I don't want to see you two anywhere at all. I don't want any of Soundwave's team anywhere near this office ever again, up to and including that walking icebox himself."

"Aw, you're just cranky cuz Shockwave's making you two actually do your jobs and stuff."

"How's that going, anyway?"

"Do you even know how to read? Or do you have to have your pet bot act out reports in charade?"

"Maybe you could call a human football coach to ask for advice!"

"Maybe if I hurl this in your general direction," Astrotrain suggested, hefting a heavy looking iron bar, "that'd get the message across. Should I find out?"

Neither of the triples had noticed Laserbeak hopping lightly around the perimeter of the room. Behind Blitzwing's hulking frame, Frenzy watched her leap onto Bumblebee's desk. Delicately she set his treat in front of him, at which he stared in perplexed bemusement. Well, there really wasn't any way to explain it to this one; they'd just have to hope he was at least smarter than his own masters and figure it out himself.

"Fine, we can see when we're not wanted. And we were gonna invite you to come hang with us out in the city, maybe monitor some enforcers, you know, stuff you've never tried before."

"OUT."

"All three of us?"

Laserbeak soared between both of their desks on her way out of the office, eliciting twin triples' shouts of rage, and Rumble and Frenzy barely made it out before the pipe thudded against the doors.

* * *

First Aid was the only bot who did not look displeased at their sudden appearance in his workspace. Though startled, he quickly set down the instrument he'd been cleaning and smiled.

"Oh hello, sirs. Is it time for another check-up already? I didn't think it'd be so soon."

"Ugh no, so you can keep your little torture-toys to yourself. We're just here to drop off this." Rumble held up Mixmaster's treat and First Aid didn't hesitate to take it from him, though he looked at it quizzically once it was in his hand.

"Does this have anything to do with Scrapper cursing about you both when he came by earlier? I thought I saw Brawn licking his lips."

"Maybe."

"May I ask why?"

"Duh, don't you keep track of Earth's rotations? Later, doc."

* * *

Iacon's street markets were still in something of a mess after Shockwave's surprise raid, but at least things had calmed down some. Angry shouting and near-riots had fizzled down into surly attitudes toward any enforcer, and some disquieting gaps where once there had been tables filled with glorious goodies. Those left behind had less competition, so they'd all raised their prices, and there was less haggling than there used to be. But the mecha still came and shopped, and so the markets were still fairly busy. Again Laserbeak coasted overhead, making another pass.

_"Are you sure about this? Wouldn't it be faster to just check their towers?"_

_"Negative. Master issued clear instructions to avoid Seekers' estate; only Ravage permitted to conduct surveillance. Also, Seekers not there. Command trine and Cone trine off duty; all of them bound to be here somewhere. Frivolous entertainment, their preferred pastime."_

_"Fine, if you say so, but the chrono's ticking. Still five bots to go and we've only got-_ aw, scrap!"

Rumble froze and automatically Frenzy did too, and only second tried to peer in the direction his twin was looking. "What's the matter?"

"It's the boss, and Jazz too."

Sure enough, the two of them were wandering along this line of stalls and headed almost straight for them. Time for that walk already? They were right in Jazz's line of sight if he cared to notice; right now he seemed preoccupied with talking to Soundwave. Whatever it was he was chattering about, from the looks of things, Soundwave didn't have a clue what it meant.

"No sudden moves," Rumble muttered out of the side of his mouth. "We'll just back off nice and slow, and he won't even notice."

In perfect sync the two of them eased an arm up and over the face, sidling off sideways behind a conveniently bulky mech with big legs.

"I don't think they saw us."

"We're so awesome. We totally got this 'Secret' Santa thing nailed." They bumped fists.

_"Seekers found,"_ Laserbeak reported. _"Transmitting coordinates now."_

* * *

Following on the assurances of their sister, Rumble and Frenzy had been more or less expecting to find the five Seekers in a nightspot throwing back a few cubes and playing card games. That was how the boss managed to snag Jazz in the first place, after all. What they found was a little different; yes they were drinking some good grade and yes they were tossing out credit chips, but not onto a table. Instead they landed with tiny clinks onto a stage, under the pedes of three slender bots prancing about to the heavy beat of music.

"Whoa." Promptly Frenzy's focus switched to the entertainment, optics following the curves of a sleek pink and white bot trying to entice more tips out of Dirge. "How come we don't come to this joint more often?"

"C'mon Frenz, pay atten- whoa." Both of them tilted their heads to the side. "I dunno. We should."

Laserbeak transmitted a loud squawk through the comms, making them both jump. Shortly Buzzsaw pointed out, _"This task, your idea. Suggestion: concentrate on mission."_

"You're both a couple of killjoys," Rumble muttered, but they did start moving toward the Seekers again. At first they went to the trouble of engaging their mad stealth skills again, but after a few nanokliks it became clear that Rumble and Frenzy could have touched down in the middle of the table with thrusters alight and nobody would even notice. Every Decepticon's gaze was fixed firmly on the stage, laughing and cheering on the dancers. Groove and Fireflight were huddled together on the floor by Thundercracker, very small and quiet by comparison. Rumble and Frenzy simply walked right under Thundercracker's chair and straight up to them, each bearing one treat in their arms.

Baffled, the Autobots blinked and stared at them. Frenzy tried to explain in a soft voice, which got nowhere under the screaming house music, then tried shouting at the top of his vocalizer, still without success. Out of habit he tried to switch to comms, only to remember that the slaves' access to their comms was disabled years ago. Exasperated, he and Rumble exchanged a glance and just tossed them at the bots. After they'd fumbled to catch them but were still staring with wide optics, Frenzy mimed eating, then kissed his fingertips to indicate super-awesome-delicious. They were turning to go when Fireflight reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, a highly bold act for a mere slave if Frenzy did say so. Quickly he withdrew his hand at the look Frenzy shot him, but a hopeful question burned in his optics.

_"Jazz?"_ he mouthed, obviously enough. Depending on exactly what question the bot had in mind, the answer was probably yes, so Frenzy nodded. Fireflight's face split into a brilliant smile, and he mouthed _"thank you."_ In fact, he was looking dangerously close to sweeping them up into an involuntary hug, so Rumble and Frenzy skedaddled back under Thundercracker's chair and out of range. When they figured Laserbeak couldn't see, both looked back for one last glimpse of the stage.

* * *

That left just three, but since those three were going to be the trickiest targets, Laserbeak returned to her reconnaissance while the rest of them retreated to Soundwave's office for strategizing. That was the idea, anyway. Hardly had Rumble and Frenzy clumped through the doorway, however, lights still flickering on, when Jazz himself spun around in Soundwave's chair.

"So here you are."

Not that he'd ever admit it later, but both he and Rumble jumped straight up into the air and yelped like a couple of squishies. "Ah! Slag, Jazz, where did you come from?"

"Polyhex," he answered simply.

"I mean, what are you doing here?"

"Well, Soundwave's been getting some odd messages today. Twins ducking out and disappearing from comms duty, twins raising mayhem on the Constructicon sites, twins heckling the enforcement office… He had to come to Headquarters to make a few apologies and so he stashed me in here. What are you two miscreants up to?"

Rumble and Frenzy backed closer to the doorway. Buzzsaw had already spun a 360 in midair and lit out the second he saw Jazz, the coward.

"Nothing," he answered, at the same time Rumble said, "We didn't do it."

"What was that box Buzzsaw had in his claws?"

"Cameras." "Wires."

"Cameras… and wires."

Jazz's stare went from amused curiosity to flat suspicion in under a nanoklik. "Uh-huh. And does this have anything to do with sneaking around the marketplace, trying not to get seen?"

"You- you're a freak of Sigma!"

"No, just very observant. So I'll ask again: what are you up to?"

"Nothing!"

"We're just having fun, that's all, nothing wrong with that. Do we always have to be up to something? I mean, do we _look _like we're up to something?"

"You look," Jazz said dryly, "like you just wired a cleaning drone to toss a dead rat at me. So, should I get ready to duck and cover?"

"Really, Jazz," Frenzy scoffed, or tried to. "I don't know why you're acting so paranoid. What makes you think it has anything to do with you?"

"So there _is _an 'it'." Oops. Frenzy gulped and Rumble shot him an annoyed look. "And, I'm quite certain it has something to do with me, because if 'it' didn't, then you would have come to me for advice and assistance."

Uh… yeah, that was probably true. Not much they could say to that. Jazz eased off the chair and started closing the distance between them, causing the twins to edge back a little more. "Well, if you don't feel like fessing up that's fine. I'll find out eventually. I imagine Soundwave will too. For your sake you better _hope _that this isn't going to involve me scrubbing entrails out of my armor gaps in the washracks tonight."

They'd backed right out into the hallway, where Soundwave had no doubt forbidden Jazz to go, and he stopped just inside the door frame.

"I think I hear the boss calling."

"We have to go."

"Bye now!"

"I'm gonna figure it out!" he called after them, causing a couple passersby to look over, and Rumble and Frenzy sprinted for all they were worth.

* * *

Their vents were still wheezing when they regrouped with their brother and sister in a more secure alcove upstairs.

"If it weren't for the fact that I've been with one for so many centuries," Frenzy panted, "I'd swear that bot is telepathic. It's like he can pop open our heads with a wrench and look inside whenever he wants."

_"Possibly, Rumble and Frenzy too easy to interrogate," _Buzzsaw pointed out maliciously.

"Shut up, traitor. Thanks for sticking around to have our backs."

_"This idea, yours, not mine. Also, removal of evidence considered safest action."_

_"Enough,"_ Laserbeak interjected peaceably. _"Current task, more important. Three slaves remain: Megatron's, and Shockwave's. Infiltration of either home, forbidden."_

_"As pointed out at initiation of project,"_ Buzzsaw couldn't resist saying.

"It's nothin' we can't handle," Frenzy said, more bravely than he felt. "We've all snuck into enemy bases. I snuck right under Ironhide's chair once. I mean, it's just other Decepticons."

"Yeah. If we get caught by Shockwave, he'll kill us, and if we get caught by Megatron, boss'll just lecture us until we wish we're dead. Which one first?"

They exchanged uneasy looks and lapsed back into silence.

_"Possibility,"_ Laserbeak ventured. _"These last three, not attempted. Risk, very high. All other Autobots accounted for, nine of twelve good ratio of success. Effort, commendable."_

Rumble was already shaking his head. "No. It has to be all of them; it's not a real Christmas unless we can get to every slave."

_"Why so important?"_

"Because Jazz would want it to be all of them, he wouldn't leave anyone out. And this is for him, right? Jazz is _ours _now, no matter what happens, and we take care of our own. That's the way it's always been. If they'd just let us -"

Rumble bit his own glossa rather than finish the sentence, even if it was too late. Laserbeak and Buzzsaw winced at the raw frustration scraping his voice, but Frenzy knew more. He'd been there that day, watching Rumble try to kick Eject out of recharge. _Hey,_ he'd said, three times over until those blue optics finally flickered on. _Hey, wake up. D'ya... wanna play a video game with us or something? We'll let you pick. You just gotta get up and come over to the - hey! Don't go back to sleep, wake up! We mean it, any game you want. Can't you just play one game?_

They'd tried, slaggit, they really had. If Blaster's bots had just given them a chance, things could have been different. Crowded, maybe, but still okay, still fun. If they hadn't been so determined to be miserable, they'd have known Soundwave's team was willing to give whatever it took to keep them alive.

He punched Rumble, as much to bring himself back to the present as his brother. "It's different now," he said firmly. "It's better. _Jazz _made everything better. We can at least do this much for him."

Their younger brother and sister nodded solemnly. Nobody liked to think about that time. Jazz helped with that, as he had so many other things, and a little Secret Santa-ing was a small price to pay for that favor. They would see this mission through to the end.

* * *

As a sentiment that was all well and good, but Frenzy found out soon enough that it wasn't helping much against the serious creep factor crawling under his armor. On a list of the many places in Iacon he'd like to find himself, including work, the slummiest ghetto possible, and on the receiving end of Starscream's kick, Shockwave's personal berth chamber ranked right down there in the last slot. His manor was huge and not very difficult to sneak through, but something about _this room _had all his nerve wires prickling with unease. It was windowless, oddly enough, taking no advantage of this top floor's grand views, small and square and ominously empty of anything but a single berth and the Autobot. Chromia was kneeling in the center of the room when they found her, facing the door and an untouched dish of energon.

It was a good thing, he'd thought idly while hacking into a signal feed, that they were so damn good at what they did. That the lights were on was their first clue, and after that it didn't take much looking before they found the camera that no doubt streamed into Shockwave's office. They recorded and popped the feed into a loop that would last two breems, and only then did they drop out of the ventilation ducts into the room. Now one of those breems was almost over, and Chromia still hadn't so much as blinked at their presence. They tried raising their voices, they tried jumping up and down, they even – with a good deal of flinching back for the reaction that never came – tried to tap her gently on the knee. Nothing worked. She remained still as a bot in stasis, gaze fixed on the door.

"Dude," he finally said, "this is without a doubt, and I really really mean this, the fucking creepiest thing I've ever seen. And I've played _Silent Hill."_

"What do you think he did to her to make her like this?"

"Let's not think about that. Let's just think about how we're going to get this chick to take the treat we went through so much trouble to bring here, and let's _not _waste time while doing it."

"S'okay," Rumble muttered. "Laserbeak's watching One-Eye at HQ, we'll have plenty of time to scram if he heads home."

"I'm not worried about that, I just want to get the slag out of here. I mean, watch this: HEY! HEY AUTOBOT LOOK AT ME!" He popped on his thrusters and jumped as high as her optic level, frantically flailing both arms when her gaze was right on him. Not even a twitch. He landed with a thump, discouraged and not a little freaked out.

"Good thing the boss doesn't share Shockwave's theories on training methods. Look at that dish of fuel, she's not even touching it. Do you think he makes her look at it all cycle before he lets her drink any?"

Rumble did look, and in the next nano his optics and end of the link lit up with inspiration. "Ooh, idea! Light one of your thrusters again, lowest setting. Try to heat up the bowl."

"Oh, I get it." Frenzy tapped his right heel to the surface of the metal dish and kept the power level low enough that he didn't go rocketing sideways. Right away the conductive material of the bowl started heating up. Rumble heaved their Christmas treat into the liquid energon, and as the fuel around it kept warming it began to melt. It was getting close to the end of the second breem before it had completely dissolved into the ordinary low-grade, leaving the dish looking exactly how Shockwave left it that morning.

"Sweet."

"Perfect. He'll never suspect a thing." Puffed up at their own cleverness, they exchanged a high-five and moved to vacate the room before their false loop ran out. Just before Frenzy launched his thrusters, though, he paused. Did he just hear…?

Rumble's thrusters kicked on, covering any other noise, and he shot back up to their entry point. "Come on, what are you waiting for? Time's almost up!"

"Uh, nothing. It was just in my head, I think." He shrugged, and followed his brother.

* * *

And then there was only one, or rather, two. If Shockwave's grim mansion gave Frenzy a case of the serious creeps, it was nothing compared to the the spinal strut-chilling wave of _fear _that moved through him when they slithered out of a floor vent into Megatron's loft. When the Constructicons built Decepticon Command, they gave the entire top floor over to Megatron's personal living space, a gigantic and lavish penthouse suitable for their emperor. The walls were almost entirely windowed, allowing a full view of the city from every side, from a superior angle that would never change. Megatron had already decreed that no building could be higher than this one. Although Soundwave had been here before, in this crest of Cybertron's power, his cassettes had not. The twins had learned early and well that their master's leader was off-limits for any kind of snooping, pranking, or mischievous behavior in general. Frenzy didn't know what the consequences would be for getting caught in here, nor did he want to find out.

Another chill moved down his back at the thought of it. Laserbeak had already reassured them that Megatron was downstairs, but that didn't mean they were alone up here. Quietly as glitchmice, they crept away from the vent, their movements stiff and uncomfortable. The vent wasn't big enough for Buzzsaw, and each of them were carrying the last of the two truffles in their subspace, which was almost-just-barely too small for the cargo. Running would be next to impossible, another thing Frenzy couldn't help but think about as they edged along the wall of this grand, but frighteningly quiet, home of Lord Megatron.

_"D'you think he lets Sunstreaker run loose up here?"_ he asked uneasily. _"Like, so he can surprise-attack Megatron and give him a reason to keep his skills sharp, like in that one human movie."_

He felt more than saw Rumble's gulp. _"Maybe. I wish we'd just been able to give these to Bluestreak downstairs."_

"Can't be helped. Laserbeak says he's been right by Megatron's elbow all day, and even if we could sneak them into his hand, the bots can't access their subspace anymore. He'd have no way to carry the other upstairs."

"We'll just make this really quick. We'll stash the Comets in some place where the slave will most definitely find them, and then scram."

_"Like where?"_

"I dunno. Maybe we can figure out where he sleeps."

"I really don't want to go poking around this place more than we have to. How about we just -"

Frenzy cut himself short when Laserbeak's urgent trill cut across both their comms. _"Danger! Megatron now ascending stairs, returning to personal quarters."_

"What? You said he was in the middle of a meeting!"

"Meeting cut short by reason of Megatron's temper grown short."

"Slag," they both hissed under their ventilations, and rapidly started shuffling back the way they'd come in. But they couldn't run and would have been too nervous to make any noise even if they could, and Megatron's strides were long. They were only five steps from a lounge seat but ten steps from the vent when they heard his heavy tread outside the door, and knew they had no choice. They just barely managed to dive under cover when his door slid open and Megatron came charging through.

"... idiots, incompetents, ignorant, all of them," he was snarling. "Where does Shockwave _find _these mealy-mouthed sycophants?"

Chains clinking, Bluestreak trotted in his wake, shut the door behind him, and scooped to pick up the datapad that Megatron had just tossed to the floor. He was straightening when his gaze happened to fall level with the twins, and his optics flared bright blue with astonishment. His mouth fell open into a gape, and frantically the twins put their fingers over their lips in a plea for silence.

"Slave! Can't you see my comms console has a request? Answer it already."

Bluestreak tore his gaze away from the twins and bowed to Megatron, then scurried over to Megatron's giant console. He flicked the switches that allowed the transmission request a connection, and the screen lit up with Starscream's smirking mug. Megatron crossed his arms and scowled.

"What do you want? Didn't I make it obvious enough downstairs that I am done for the day?"

"Oh, Lord Megatron, your lack of subtlety was well understood by the entire building, but I didn't call to revisit the business of that silly little committee. You know I do so _hate _to disturb your rest, but I simply must report this one thing to you."

"Get on with it," Megatron growled.

"One of Shockwave's new factories caught fire this afternoon, made such a terrible mess. One of my Seekers saw it during his patrol of the city's perimeter. And didn't you tell me you wanted personal notification of any threats to the city's safety?"

"Is the fire contained?"

"Oh, I don't know. Mostly, I suppose."

"Then it's not a threat to the city's safety."

"It is if the underlying construction is shoddy enough to encourage more fires in the future! Supposing the next one isn't on the perimeter, but right in the center of the city?"

"That would be Shockwave's concern and not yours. Why isn't he reporting this fire instead of you anyway?"

"What a good question," Starscream purred. "Perhaps Soundwave's right and the premier does have too many responsibilities to juggle, or perhaps Shockwave was just hoping you wouldn't find out about it at all. Of course, I knew it was the right thing to bring it to your attention straight aw-"

"Oh, shut up, Starscream."

Bluestreak had been inconspicuously edging back behind Megatron while the two of them bickered, and he was staring at the twins again. Though baffled, he looked more nervous than anything else, and kept making small gestures at them to please get out, and quickly. Though Frenzy would like nothing better, he had to shake his head. Instead he and Rumble waved him closer, more insistently when he hesitated. After glancing at his master again, who was now thoroughly wrapped up in his argument with Starscream, he crept closer and knelt on the floor beside the lounge.

"Hold out your hands," Rumble whispered, and Bluestreak cocked his head quizzically. He still didn't speak, which Frenzy now remembered was some kind of rule Megatron had set for him, and didn't seem inclined to extend his hands to a couple of Decepticons either.

"... well I'm not about to send _you _to take a look," Megatron was saying. "In the interest of a somewhat-honest evaluation, I'll send Soundwave. Don't let me catch you anywhere near that factory, Starscream, or there'll be consequences. Megatron out." He cut the connection himself, then initiated a new transmission. "Soundwave, you still in the building?"

"Affirmative, Lord Megatron."

"I need you to go look at some factory that caught fire today and make sure it's under control, and also try to get some idea of how it got started. Starscream is yelping that it's Shockwave's fault."

"Understood, Lord Megatron. Site coordinates?"

"Oh, I don't know. Get them from Starscream. And remind him that if he tries to interfere in any way or falsify anything at the site, I'll peel his wings off."

"Understood, Lord Megatron."

"Good. Megatron out."

By now the twins were poking Bluestreak in the arm pretty hard, but the stupid Autobot just kept trying to motion them to leave. All of them jumped when Megatron addressed Bluestreak again.

"Slave." The bot snapped to attention there on the floor, his doorwings high and stiff with either fear or the intention to block them from view. Probably both. "I need to relax. Pour me a cube of good grade, and don't be slow about it either." Rumble and Frenzy froze behind Bluestreak when they could hear him coming closer, and then without warning Megatron pinched the edge of one of Bluestreak's panels and used that leverage to haul him to standing. Bluestreak gasped with pain, but still vocalized no sound.

"Why," Megatron murmured, in a rumble so low and deep Frenzy could feel it in his struts, "can't they leave me alone? Hmm?" He lowered his face to Bluestreak's neck and nuzzled the wires there, thumb idly rubbing the edge of the sensitive panel. "Don't they know I have things to _do_ up here?"  
At last Bluestreak let out some kind of squeak, when Megatron fingered the edge of a particular sensor, and that seemed to be answer enough. With a grunt, he pushed Bluestreak clear and turned towards a doorway. "The drink, slave. Don't make me impatient for it." Without so much as a glance back, he strode into another room. Bluestreak promptly dashed for a room in the opposite direction, which turned out to be a pretty sweet miniature refinery that could no doubt churn out all kinds of awesome high grade. Bluestreak set to work mixing up a cube of delectably glowing energon, and was dismayed when the twins flew up to stand on the counter. Again he gesticulated at them to leave, mouthing _"please go"._

"Not until you take these," Rumble hissed. "You think this was fun for us to sneak in here? Now go on, there's one for you and one for that yellow demon."

They both set the truffles on the counter in front of him. Bluestreak was shaking his head in bewilderment. _"why?"_

"Because we felt like it. Merry Christmas."

His optics flickered with surprise at that, and for the first time some kind of understanding of what they were trying to do registered on his face. But then Megatron bellowed to hurry up, and the fear overshadowed any kind of gratitude that might have briefly been present. He overturned an empty casket to cover the treats, mouthing _"tonight" _at the twins, then grabbed Megatron's cube and sprinted out of the room. Well, it wasn't exactly the gushing delight they'd been looking for, but the mission was accomplished and they were both still alive. Good enough.

"Twelve down," Rumble murmured.

"And none to go," Frenzy finished. Fist bump time!

* * *

They caught up with their siblings downstairs, who were waiting a little ways away from Soundwave while he conferred with Starscream in the halls.

"We were like, right under Megatron's nasal plating and he totally had no idea we were there."

"We're ghosts, see? Flit in, flit out, and nobody's the wiser."

"Megatron's no big deal anyway."

"Yeah, we weren't scared or nothin'."

"Cuz we knew he'd never see us."

"We're ghosts."

Laserbeak and Buzzsaw exchanged a long-suffering look, then glanced back at Soundwave. Jazz was just off to his side, gradually inching his way toward Perceptor in such a way that wouldn't draw Soundwave's attention.

_"Query," _Buzzsaw spoke up, just when Frenzy was about to launch into another, more detailed, narrative of their fearless infiltration.

"What?"

_"This project, named Secret Santa?"_

"Yeah."

_"However, distribution of energon treats to Autobots not kept secret."_

"Well the present wasn't really to them. We were just giving them something nice because to Jazz, that would be a good present."

_"However, your intention, to keep entire project secret from Jazz."_

"Uh..."

"Oops."

"Didn't really think that part through."

_"Shocking."_

"Shut up, Buzzbrain. It's a weird idea anyway and we're still new to it, okay?"

_"Query." _This time it was Laserbeak.

"What?"

_"Your preference, identity of gift giver remain secret. Correct?"_

"That's the whole point, he says."

_"This, mentioned to Autobots?"_

"Uh..."

"Oops."

In unison they all looked at Jazz again, who'd managed to creep close enough to Perceptor to exchange a whispered conversation with him. As they watched he finished murmuring something into Jazz's audial sensor, and Jazz shot a startled look at the four of them.

"Busted," he and Rumble admitted simultaneously. Ah well. There was always next year.

* * *

The fire, as it turned out, had not really been serious and was mostly dealt with by the time Soundwave arrived at the factory. The workers were still trying to clean up the mess when they got there, mecha scurrying back and forth while overseers barked orders, trying to clear the upper floor with continuous air blasts. Ash and a few glimmering sparks showered out of the windows onto the grounds below, and Jazz tilted his head back, obviously enjoying the soft tickle as it settled on his plating.

"It's almost like snow. Now it really feels like Christmas."

"Frozen dihydrogen monoxide, radically different substance," Soundwave pointed out, in that predictably logical way of his. Jazz just laughed.

"Maybe this is better. It won't freeze up in my joints. But for dancin' in, it's almost like the real thing." He demonstrated a few light-footed steps, humming some melody that Frenzy thought he recognized from the day before. Jazz and Soundwave both must have known that all the cassetticons had tailed them here, but were duly pretending they were alone and not getting eavesdropped on by four curious symbiotes. No, make that five. Like the wraith he often pretended to be, Ravage materialized out of the darkness and came to a stop by Frenzy's elbow.

"Hey Ravage, finally made it to the party. Where you been all day?"

_Work_, was the single concept that crossed the link.

"Psht. As if that could be as interesting as our Secret Santa mission. We had an awesome fun time doing it, and you got left out. It's not too late for you to dress up as a reindeer."

A single, rather pointed, response left none of them in doubt as to Ravage's opinion on reindeer, Christmas, and for that matter, things relating to Jazz in general.

"Scrooge," Rumble scoffed. "All the rest of us know Jazz is fun to be around by now. Why do you have to be so stubborn?"

Ravage looked away, his thoughts too complicated to decipher. Below, Jazz was still dancing under the sifting ashes. He replaced his simple humming with the real music file, which sounded a little scratchy on his small speakers, but carried easily enough to their perch. Frenzy wondered at the flash of surprise and happiness that came from Soundwave; since when did the boss care about music?

Jazz paused in his movements and smiled at Soundwave, as if he somehow knew the reaction that would get. "It's what you wanted, right? I think it's the least I can do, particularly since four rascally little elves have been working hard all day to give me and my friends somethin' nice. Merry Christmas, Soundwave."

"Hah," Rumble said triumphantly. "Jazz appreciates the present after all. Even if we failed at the secret bit, at least it was the right gift."

"Technically the 'secret' part still works," Frenzy pointed out. "He only knows we did the distributing. He doesn't know that the boss paid for all of it."

"Think Soundwave'll ever tell him?"

Ravage surprised them all by answering with a clear _no._

"What makes you say that?"

"Yeah, what do you know about any of it, Ravage?"

_Gift, not right. Not what most wanted._

That again? Frenzy wanted to ask but Ravage was not in a mood to hang around and explain. With a flick of his long tail, Ravage turned his back on the scene and melted back into the darkness. Stuck up know-it-all. From what he could see, Jazz seemed perfectly happy with his present. He danced his way back to Soundwave, balancing on the tip of one pede and bracing his weight against Soundwave's chest.

"Pity," he murmured, "that there's no mistletoe."

"This object, not known."

A soft chuckle. "I was countin' on that." He pushed himself clear and danced away again, sharp lines of black and white obscured by the false snow.

"What's missle-toe?" hissed Rumble, and his brothers just shrugged. Laserbeak was suddenly very smug.

_"I know."_

She dropped off their perch to fly around Jazz, and join his dance, and they never could get her to explain. Some cassetticons, it turned out, were far better at keeping a secret.

**THE END**


End file.
